I’m half awake and scared and my mind has been tangled up for weeks so here we go you don’t have to read but this is what’s going on and I need some support
( Anyone who is fighting for recovery, please like this or message me or let me know you’re out there somehow so I can follow you and we can maybe work on this together ) Support from some fellow warriors would be really nice right now <3
Anyway… yeah, thoughts;
I’ve also been having these thoughts like “what if I’m too comfortable around food? What if I don’t have a problem eating recovery amounts? I’ve done it before, I can do it again no problem… :/ ” Which makes me feel as if I shouldn’t be going, I mean if I can eat, and I do…
But I know it’s not enough and I know it’s not healthy… I know I’m using behaviors and they are going to kill me if I don’t fucking start fighting them right now today not tomorrow.
I woke up starving, and I didn’t want to eat because I know i’ll gain and I have some sick thought telling me that I need to weigh less coming in this time around or else maybe I’m not actually sick and maybe I’m just being whiney and lazy and I don’t deserve to be there if I can eat so why would I waste their time…
sooner or later I will have to cut the ties to my disorder, stop dragging it around like a goddamn ball and chain and LET GO
So I’m eating oatmeal, feeling very conflicted and guilty but if I don’t start fighting today I will never see a light.
Mirrors and Windows is a portrait series by Italian photographers Gabriele Galimberti and Edoardo Dilelle that draws insight into the lives of women across the world based on their intimate living spaces. See if you can guess the country and click the link to find out.
Drunk blogging , I apologize.
Watching The Voice and going through my likes atm, you’ve been warned.
Its so good to hear those worse coming from someone aside from myself. Thank you <3
"Real food" is a term I dislike almost as much as "real women," and for many of the same reasons…
Right this minute, there is someone going through chemotherapy shopping at your grocery store, buying popsicles and ice cream to help their sore mouth, and worrying what the cashier is going to think.
There is someone on hemodialysis buying white bread instead of whole wheat, trying to keep their phosphorus levels reasonable between appointments and hoping for the best.
There is a person attending intensive outpatient treatment for their eating disorder who has been challenged by their therapist to buy a Frappuccino.
There are dietitians picking up a dozen different candy bars to eat with their clients, who feel ashamed and guilty about enjoying them.
There is someone who just doesn’t have it in them to cook right now, and this frozen pizza and canned soup will keep them going.
There are people recovering from chronic dieting and semi-starvation who are buying chocolate and chips at their deprived body’s insistence.
All around us are people listening to what their bodies need and attempting to make the best possible choice within a context of overwhelming food pressure. All of their choices are valid, and every single one of these foods is “real.”